HOPKINTON - Staff members at a preschool which Violet
Carey had finished this summer are mourning the 5-year-old and her younger
sister Iris, who died when their Main Street home exploded Wednesday.
A grief counselor was scheduled to visit the MetroWest YMCA in Hopkinton
yesterday to help staff members sort out their feelings, said Associate
Executive Director Marci Guckeyson.
That intervention should help the teachers better understand how to
handle grief-stricken youngsters and the trauma caused by losing a friend,
she said.
"The staff is pretty shaken up right now," said Guckeyson,
whose office is next to the area where Violet attended pre-kindergarten last
year. Iris, 4, was signed up for the program set to begin this fall, she
said.
"The staff needs time to understand their feelings and deal with
those. I think they need to do that before they can help kids deal with what
they're going through," said Guckeyson.
YMCA officials have talked to staffers, she said, and tried to help them
deal with their emotions, while encouraging parents of the Carey girls' many
friends to talk to their children about what happened.
"I think it's going to be a community effort," said Guckeyson.
"It's a shock to our staff. Violet was very much a lovely, vibrant
child. We're here to be supportive of the family and help them in any way we
can right now."
Violet was to attend kindergarten at the Center School in September. She
had just graduated from the YMCA pre-kindergarten program. Iris was
scheduled to follow in her footsteps this fall.
"It's an unfortunate, tragic thing," said Thomas Argir,
longtime principal of Center School. "(Violet was) such a cute little
girl. I'm just shocked at the whole thing."
Argir plans to pay his respects during calling hours, he said. The woman
who was scheduled to be Violet's kindergarten teacher may also attend, he
said. He will introduce himself to the girls' parents, he said, and offer
his help.
He didn't know Violet, but knows she was one of 265 boys and girls signed
up for kindergarten this year. He's not sure if Center School teachers or
children will dedicate a project to the girls, he said. That will likely be
decided after orientation Sept. 4, he said.
"Sometimes the parents want us to be involved, but sometimes they
would prefer to deal with it themselves," he said. "I do know the
teacher will be very careful in talking about it, very sensitive with the
children in the class who might have known Violet or her sister."
Argir isn't sure how school officials will deal with the deaths when
children return in September, he said. He pointed to a case last year when a
first-grader's mother died and the teacher explained it to the children.
"We try to have teachers deal with it as honestly as possible, but
you have to honor the wishes of the family as best you can, too," said
Argir. "You have to deal with it on a case-by-case basis.
"You don't always know how people interpret death. It's different
for every family. You don't know how much they've dealt with it or what they
want to tell their children about it at that age," he said.
That uncertainty came into play Sept. 11, said Argir. Although other
schools in town addressed the terrorist attacks with students that day,
teachers at Center School waited until parents had a chance to explain it,
he said.
Still, it's not always easy to spot signs that young children are
struggling emotionally with the loss of a friend or classmate, he said. They
can't always fully comprehend a situation at such a tender age, said Argir.
"After Sept. 11, some of the children would be very blunt about it
and say something about a plane going through a building," said Argir.
"They don't exactly understand what it all means. They deal with it,
but they do it in their own way. You have to remember, they're only 5 years
old."
Calling hours are 2 to 4 and 7 to 9 p.m. Sunday at Buma-Sargeant Funeral
Home, 42 Congress St., Milford. A funeral Mass will be held at 10 a.m.
Monday in St. Mary's Church, Winter Street, Milford.
Memorial donations can be made out to the Violet and Iris Carey
Memorial Fund c/o Fleet Bank, 209 East Main St., Milford, MA 01757.
